Luckily I don’t feel this way anymore, but here’s a glimpse into some of the darker thoughts that riddle my mind when things are not going well during this period of uncertainty and isolation..
So much of my mind is caught up in the existential?
What is the point of my living in the now?
The now – that is so much disrupted by all that Covid19 has wrought.
- Our Airbnb rental properties should be entering the earning season, but are remaining underbooked, even at cutthroat prices.
Winters are lean – $30 a night, but are followed by summers where booking prices more than double to $70 a night.
The first house cost $360,000 to buy, but $150k to update.
The second house cost $395,000 to buy, but $250k to update.
We didn’t go crazy in hiring fancy designers. We used local contractors, but the houses are from 1900 and had not been updated in ages.
It was not easy coming up with the down payments, nor arranging for that level of debt in loans to fix the homes up to a rentable state, but we forged forward, hoping for the best. It cause a lot of stress in our relationship because the second house was not supposed to cost that much to renovate, but the foundation was rotted and the house essentially had to be scrapped to its bones and started over. My husband hid the costs of this renovation from me thinking that he’d protect me from the stress, but it made me unable to trust him for years and severely ravaged our relationship.
If I had a second chance, I would have never bought that second house. Is the potential for financial gain worth it if it tears you asunder?
The answer is no.
It’s doubly no when a pandemic occurs and throws you into panic as the properties you own fail to bring in anything close to what the mortgages, taxes, and running costs total.
Goodbye work exchange.
We’ve helped so many through our Workaway program. 120 people I imagine have come and started for free in our home, in a we’ve worked through to beautiful generate a well regarded collaborative program. Many of my friends I
count among those adventurous spirits willing to pursue a work exchange, and it will be weird to see this structure fold.
What Happens Next?
We’ve been selective in regards who we will choose to share in our space. We’re planning for 4 friends, all recent grads of a university I like, to rent the one house + it’s looking live an additional 4 friends, working full time, while attending college, will occupy the other property.
We will continue to feel the hurt of the economic crisis the pandemic continues to hammer rental property owners with. We have worked hard to save u to buy these properties, with the hope we could share these with others, while also saving for retirement by paying off the mortgages.
So much of what this pandemic has wrought continues to stifle me. I think many people are going to leave this period of time with some level of trauma, whether it’s the mistrust of the government we think is there to protect our interests,
but which has struggled to weigh the value of public heath against that of economic health and its effects on emotional (and physical) health, or the mistrust of relationships we once had, but that have been tested against the wear of a disease that puts many of us under great stress and leads us to see central
disagreement over what we think matters most at this time.
We all have varying thoughts as to how this pandemic should be dealt with because we have conflicting interests and motivations. Some want to see social distance near indefinitely as fear for their health provides a central motivation, whilst others would risk their health, and that of others, to regain some of the freedoms they feel have been removed.
New hires have been frozen, and I can’t help but think of my friends as I pore over job listings, hoping to find one I can pass their way, but with no luck. There are jobs out there, but I fear for many of my freelancer and unemployed friends, who fortunately are receiving enough with the $600 bonus to unemployment checks, but probably still feel despair over when their industry will reopen.
I am very much shattered not because of the disease, but because of the uncertainty.
I’ve long felt in control of my own destiny, and I had quite a deal of adventure planned ahead for -his year.
I was going to climb a large mountain with a Cactus to Clouds hike, but with many hiking trails closed, training seems improbable. I was going to petsit in my
dream country of countries, in Japan, and for someone I admire, an international teacher. I was going to spend time getting to know my family there better, and to learn my mother’s native tongue. I was going to jump into an adventure I 11 years ago skipped because I was too scared to venture to Japan while so young and inexperienced.
I will travel there when I can, but for now everything is either shattered or on hold.